my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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