Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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