i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
