when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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