$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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