I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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