Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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