Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
