OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
