So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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