Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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