from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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