I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Never joke about your clitoris.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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