She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
