"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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