you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
