Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize