It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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