it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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