I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
