Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
