he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
