You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
