I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
There r osticjed everywhere
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The power of my boobs compel you
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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