Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
