He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
