his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
