the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
