Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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