Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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