wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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