I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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