The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
