She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
