dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
