i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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