you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
