Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
