Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
