Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Randomize
