Only a mothe r could love this liver
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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