There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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