So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize