im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
