in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
