my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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