is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
