Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
