apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
