woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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