She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
