Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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