I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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