I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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