she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize