I just saw a hot homeless man
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize