I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
