I feel great
I just peed on a car
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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