You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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