I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
