Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
being pregnant is like rehab
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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