and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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