He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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