so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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