it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
