So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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